


You Could Have Died

by MaddieandChimney



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: F/M, tw: anxiety, tw: domestic violence references
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:02:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25112047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaddieandChimney/pseuds/MaddieandChimney
Summary: Chimney turns up at Maddie's whilst they're taking a moment, mid panic attack because she could have died and he misses her.
Relationships: Maddie Buckley/Howie "Chimney" Han
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11
Collections: Madney One-Shots





	You Could Have Died

Doug is gone, but it’s not enough to make her feel truly safe, especially not at night. When there’s a knock on the door, she bites down on her bottom lip, grabbing her phone to check the camera.

Chimney.

For a moment, Maddie considers not answering the door, but when he doesn’t seem to be moving from his position, her concern overrides everything else she’s feeling right then. It’s late at night, Buck spending the night at Eddie’s because she had pretty much begged him to give her a break from all his mithering. She had just planned on watching a movie and trying to focus on anything other than the thoughts constantly whirring through her mind.

Instead, she had spent the last two hours curled up on the couch, the television on silent with a show she had never watched providing her with the only light in the entire apartment. With a sigh, Maddie moves for the first time in hours, slowly walking towards the door. They had agreed to take a moment and it had been one of the most difficult decisions she had ever made.

The moment the door opens, and she sees his face, she knows something is wrong. She can hear it in the way he’s breathing, how pale his face is and how he’s looking at her with such desperation that she longs to take him in her arms. For a second, neither of them move, staring at each other before she takes a step back, opening the door a little wider in the hopes he’ll get the hint.

She’s glad when he does, when he steps inside and for a moment, he looks around the apartment as though he’s never been there before. As though he hadn’t practically made himself at home all those times they’d sit and cuddle up to a movie, or he’d open the door to the delivery guy, or carry her up to bed when she had managed to fall asleep on his shoulder once more.

The memories are enough to bring tears to her eyes, gulping down the lump in her throat before she shuts the door. “A-are you… are you okay?” It’s a stupid question, one that causes her to cringe the moment it falls from her mouth because of course he’s not okay. Her husband stabbed him, left him for dead and now he’s standing in her apartment, his breathing heavy and a look on his face she’s never seen before.

Despite the stupidity of the question, he shakes his head anyway, “N-no, I don’t think I am. I just… you could have died.” She can tell by the shock on his face that he didn’t mean for it to come out so brazenly. But he doesn’t try and take it back, just looks at her instead with a hopeless look in his eyes.

“… you could have too, Howie.” Her words are softly spoken, taking a step forward to press a hand to his cheek, gently wiping at the tears that have fallen before she sighs. “You need to breathe for me, okay? I-I need you to…”

For the first time, his lips crash against hers and she hates how it feels as though every single kiss they’ve ever shared have been laced with so much sadness. It’s the only reason she pulls back, nudging her nose against his before she takes his hand in her own, her plan to curl up on the couch forgotten as she leads him towards the stairs instead.

“W-what are you…?”

“You look exhausted, come on, I just—I miss your arms around me and I know that’s inherently selfish because I’m the one who messed this up and—”

Chimney cuts her off before she can finish, “You didn’t mess anything up. Doug did.”

She hates how she still flinches at the mention of his name, how her entire body tenses and in turn, so does his. She doesn’t say a word until they’re in her bedroom and she only lets go of his hand so she can pull back the bed sheets, climbing in. There’s a small smile on her face when she doesn’t have to beg him to join her, instead, he moves to lay next to her, until he rests his head on her chest.

“I-I keep… having this nightmare but I know it’s what happened. I know that for over a day I thought you were dead. And I know you could have died, Maddie, Buck told me about… how hard you fought and you were stabbed and you could have died. You could have… and I don’t think I can do life without you. I don’t care if you only want to be friends, or if you want something more. I’ll take anything, just please, please can the moment be over? Not talking to you, it’s killing me.”

Maddie moves a hand down to rub his back, “I don’t want to be your friend.” He tenses, but she holds him tighter before he can pull back, “I want everything with you, okay? I miss you. T-the moment can, it can be over. Just… I have no right to ask you this, but do you think you can forgive me?” His head moves from her chest, quickly replaced by her hand so he can feel the way her heart is thumping against her chest, reminding himself that she’s alive, despite all the dreams he’s been suffering through, trying to convince him otherwise.

“I don’t have anything to forgive you for. Can… can you forgive me though?” He must sense the confusion when she doesn’t answer, her hand dropping from his back, “For uh—for befriending him. For letting him into your life, for talking about you to him. I-I let him… I opened the door for him, Maddie and I don’t… I don’t know if I can ever forgive myself but could you maybe…”

“No.” When the tears fall heavier, she knows she has to clarify, struggling to find the words before shakes her head, “I don’t… you shouldn’t blame yourself. It’s him. It’s always him. He’s found ways to get to me no matter what… I’ve left him three times before, and every single time he’d turn up to my friends house and he’d charm them and they’d tell him I was just being silly. No one knew, they only saw what he wanted them to see and I just—when I said it out loud once, I got told that it must have been an accident because he wasn’t like that.” So, she had never said it out loud again, not until she got to LA because… they were the first people to believe her.

“It’s not your fault. Just like you won’t let me blame myself even though I knew he was—I knew what he was going to do if he found me. And I still let myself fall for you, I’m the one who put you in danger, not the other way around.”

The shaking of his head tells her that he isn’t going to accept it, and maybe the problem is more that they won’t forgive themselves for the things they can’t change. Instead, she moves to press her lips to his forehead, “I’m glad you’re here, not talking to you kind of feels like giving up and I’m not ready to give up on us. I thought you were dead, for a whole day, and it was the worst day of my life for many reasons but… we’re still here. I’m not letting him destroy us, too.” There’s a determination in her own voice that she hasn’t heard in a long time and she’s glad it’s met with a now calmer breathing from the man she can’t imagine her life without.

“Can I kiss you?” Maddie smiles when he speaks, quickly wiping at her eyes before she brushes her thumb over both his cheeks to capture the wetness of his own tears.

“Please.” She whispers, the smile turning into a grin when he leans up ever so slightly, nervously looking from her lips to her eyes before he takes a deep breath. Once his lips are against hers, it’s the first time she’s felt no overwhelming mixture of sadness, desperation and relief. Just… happiness that he’s there and he’s alive and the moment is over.


End file.
